matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
