She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
