You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Randomize
