just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
