So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
