When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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