so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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