"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
