I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
