i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Someone signed my nipple.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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