Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
