Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
