To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
