We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Farmville is her only friend.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
