I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
being pregnant is like rehab
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
