there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
