I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm both gender and math confused
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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