oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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