haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
