That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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