see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
