So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
