He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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