My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
