I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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