i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
