Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
