how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
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