Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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