Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
