we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
