How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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