Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
