Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
