I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
