so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
