How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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