He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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