And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
