I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
