Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
