Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
