hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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