Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
