they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
