omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
