it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
