I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
