Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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