You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
