when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
